True news item - or believe it or not!

Casually watching the early morning news I had to make a double take!Then I had to take a photo so I would know I did not dream it up. It seems we have a new speed record of an ice flow at about 25,000 km/hour (About 20 times faster than the speed of sound). Thought everyone might want to know about it.

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Readers write - a noteworthy comment by an Anonymous reader.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Resolution by Vernon Council - to help us, country...":

Prior to this declaration, I would have been up in the dark of night fretting-- peaking out the window at the ominous roseate glow sullying the night sky above our suitor to the north. I would have been desperately clutching my worry beads, working them down to pathetic little nubs: anxious about the clever skills and glossy rhetoric used by such a voracious entity.

Once, their singular resolve, and arrogance would have taken my breath away.

However, this fever to facilitate an unwelcome, arranged marriage with country cousins who are well past the blushing-bride stage, is so beyond the pale, so against the principles of democracy, so contrary to any kind of rational economic, cultural, and social theory, that I can only consider it laughable.

To the uninitiated. this ardent pursuit might be perceived as flattery. Your offer might very well be accepted by some less attractive prospect. Be sure though: we are hard-bitten, and have not been without a few suitors in the past.

We can see that you do not truly want us for our charms, but rather, for our goats and sheep.

"The Merger Delusion":

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Joke of the month (year?).

After being married for 40 years, I took a

careful look at my wife one day and said,

"Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a

junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a

10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep

every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $55,000.00

car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but

I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems

to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me

to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she

would make sure that I would once again be living

in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on

a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and

white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know

how to solve an old guy's problems.

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The Borowitz Report - Jenna Jameson endorses Romney!

Fake news and political satire.

August 3, 2012

Jenna Jameson Clarifies Her Endorsement of Romney

Posted by Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Concerned that her endorsement of former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney for President would lead to “cheap, easy jokes and innuendo,” porn star Jenna Jameson held a press conference today to explain her headline-making decision.

When asked what initially appealed to her about Mr. Romney, Ms. Jameson said, “He’s the only person who’s assumed more positions than I have.”

The actress said that she researched Mr. Romney’s career thoroughly, and was particularly impressed by his tenure at Bain Capital: “There’s nothing more American, I think, than screwing people you don’t know for money.”

While Mr. Romney’s recent foreign trip drew jeers from his critics, Ms. Jameson hailed his performance: “I respect someone who opens their mouth without thinking.”

The actress, who appeared as the character Holly So Tightly in the film Dirt Merchant, seemed unconcerned by the controversy swirling about Mr. Romney’s bank accounts in Switzerland and the Caymans: “I’ve put my assets in plenty of foreign places.”

Ms. Jameson concluded her presser by reiterating her fulsome support of the G.O.P. candidate: “Mitt Romney will do to all of America what I have already done to half of America.”

The Borowitz report

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Readers write.

Hi Gyula

I read your blog constantly and I just found this hilarious clip on funny or die about the 99% movement and I thought the readers of Cold Stream News might be interested, even if you don't think it's worth posting you should take a look it's extremely funny. Thanks so much for your time.

 

Enjoy!

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Hey Mr tally man, wake up!

 

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