Thursday, April 7, 2011

Glenn Beck Moves to Sci Fi Channel -- The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report – Landing on his feet just hours after his program was dropped by Fox News Channel, controversial host Glenn Beck announced today that he had just inked a new contract to join the cable network Syfy, formerly known as the Sci Fi Channel.

Speaking at a press conference announcing the move, Mr. Beck told reporters, “The best part of this deal is that I won’t need to change my format at all.”

Mr. Beck said that his program was "a perfect fit" for a schedule of programming packed with aliens, paranoid conspiracy theories and alternative universes.

But the TV host’s enthusiasm was tempered somewhat by Syfy spokesperson Tracy Klugian, who told reporters, “We warned Glenn that if he’s going to be a good fit for Syfy he’s going to have to tone down his act a bit. Some of the stuff he did on Fox is a little too ‘out there’ for us.”

Mr. Beck said that his new deal would run “until 2012 or the end of the world, whichever comes sooner,” and that he would be paid in gold bouillon and ammo.

Meanwhile, Congress reassured the American people that during a government shutdown essential services would still be provided to Libya, Afghanistan and Iraq.


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I have been a resident of Coldstream since 1976. I have had 15 years of experience on Council, 3 years as Mayor. As a current Councillor I am working to achieve fair water and sewer rates and to ensure that taxpayers get fair treatment. The current direction regarding water supply is unsustainable and I am doing all I can to get the most cost effective water supply possible.