April 22, 2014
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a landmark decision, the Supreme
Court of the United States declared on Tuesday that lying by politicians
is protected by the First Amendment because it is an expression of
their religion.
By a 5–4 majority, the Court struck down an Ohio law that would make
it harder to lie in political ads, arguing instead that “any attempt to
restrict or punish lying by politicians is an unconstitutional
infringement on a religion they have practiced for decades.”
The Court’s decision won praise from
politicians of both parties, with many saying that the Justices’
recognition of lying as a religion was “long overdue.”
Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts argued, “For
politicians, lying is a religious observance akin to attending a church
or a synagogue, except that they do it seven days a week.”
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