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coldstreamer@shaw.ca******* Issues related to the District of Coldstream, local government issues, political commentary, local area photos,oddities in the news etc....
Showing posts with label Fun time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun time. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Friday, September 30, 2011
Readers Write - 71st wedding anniversary of the Clintons!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Readers write -- CA NA DUH
Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Please send this on to any Canadian (or others) who you think will enjoy it as much as I did.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Please send this on to any Canadian (or others) who you think will enjoy it as much as I did.
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Friday, August 14, 2009
Readers write -- Marriage made in Heaven
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter looked confused for a moment, then said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months, but what the hey, they were immortal now, so they could afford to be patient.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"
My apologies to my lawyer friends!
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter looked confused for a moment, then said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months, but what the hey, they were immortal now, so they could afford to be patient.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"
My apologies to my lawyer friends!
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Saturday, August 1, 2009
Readers write -- Is it hot enough for you?
May 30th:
Just moved to THE SUNNY OKANAGAN. NOW THIS IS THE PLACE TO LIVE ... Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 30 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer that I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stunk up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the Fritz and the A/C repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $500,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 20. I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise-ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny! Hot and sunny! Hot and sunny! It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 40 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking OKANAGAN!! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial went.
Just moved to THE SUNNY OKANAGAN. NOW THIS IS THE PLACE TO LIVE ... Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 30 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer that I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stunk up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the Fritz and the A/C repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $500,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 20. I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise-ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny! Hot and sunny! Hot and sunny! It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 40 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking OKANAGAN!! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial went.
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About Me
- Coldstreamer
- I have been a resident of Coldstream since 1976. I have had 15 years of experience on Council, 3 years as Mayor. As a current Councillor I am working to achieve fair water and sewer rates and to ensure that taxpayers get fair treatment. The current direction regarding water supply is unsustainable and I am doing all I can to get the most cost effective water supply possible.